Growing Old: My Secret Weapon Against The Robot Apocalypse

By Ron Cheong

News Americas, TORONTO, Canada, Fri. June 12, 2026: I wasn’t exactly overly thrilled about the prospect of growing old. The thought of a failing memory, random joint aches, and a body that cracks louder than a fireworks display didn’t have much appeal. But lately, I’ve started to see things differently. In this crazy day and age, growing old is beginning to look like a surprisingly good deal. It’s the Robot Apocalypse.

The Upside Of Slowing Down

For starters, I finally know who I am. Not who I thought I was. Not who I wanted to be. The real me. And, for the most part, I’m quite comfortable with that person. Retirement has also gifted me something I spent decades wishing for: time. Endless glorious time. The only catch is that I no longer have the energy to do most of the things I spent all those years planning. Those sunny Caribbean vacations I dreamed about? It appears they’ll remain exactly where they belong – in my dreams, where the flights are free, the drinks are included, and my knees still work.

I certainly have more time these days, although somehow the days feel shorter. Chores that once took an hour now require a day or two – assuming I remember to do them at all.

Every Day Is An Adventure

And who needs Caribbean adventures when my apartment provides all the excitement anyone could ask for? Every day brings a fresh surprise. I can walk into the bathroom and instantly forget why I went there. Or I can head down the hall to return my friend’s Pyrex dish and somehow throw the Pyrex down the condo garbage chute while carefully carrying the actual garbage bag in my other hand.

The other day, I spent two hours battling the crowds at Costco, filled an entire cart, rewarded myself with a glorious $1.50 hot dog, and then happily walked out to my car completely empty-handed. The groceries, apparently, enjoyed Costco so much they decided to stay.

High Tech and Old Souls

Thankfully, new technology like WhatsApp makes it easy to stay in touch with old friends and laugh about these things. But that’s about where my enthusiasm for this ultra-modern world falters. And don’t get me started on today’s music. Give me some real soul music. Give me Al Green and that rich, warm Southern sound. Give me artists who knew what a lyric was. ABBA. Whitney Houston. Diana Ross. Kenny Rogers singing The Gambler. Sam Cooke. Engelbert Humperdinck. B.J. Thomas.

I miss songs that actually told stories. Ode to Billie Joe. Tom Jones belting out Green, Green Grass of Home. Barry Manilow. Glen Campbell. Gordon Lightfoot. Roy Orbison. Give me Sea of Love, Dream a Little Dream of Me, You’re So Vain, This Is Dedicated to the One I Love, and Hey Jude.

Today’s music often sounds like a dial-up modem trapped inside a blender with a very angry cat. I can’t even fix my own car anymore. Carburetors have given way to fuel injectors. Everything has an electronic sensor, a computer module, or a circuit board. I used to open the hood and see an engine. Now I open the hood and see a software update.

The Rise Of The Bots

But the absolute peak of modern madness arrived today. I watched a video of the latest humanoid robots. Judging by their appearance and movements, I genuinely couldn’t tell they weren’t human. They can perform housework, executive assistant tasks, manual labor – just about anything.

We are now light-years beyond the old Turing Test – the gold-standard test that no computer a little while back could pass. Researchers would place a screen between a tester on one side and a target on the other. The challenge for the computer was whether the testers behind the screens could determine if they were chatting with a human or a computer.

Now the robots have discovered the secret to passing as humans. They’re mastering our flaws. To make us trust them, they’re programmed with what’s called Emulated Imperfection. They don’t respond instantly anymore. They “type” slowly to seem thoughtful. They pause with a little “hmmm.” They use casual slang, sprinkle in relatable emotions, and occasionally hesitate before answering.

Some are even better at making mistakes than actual people. When they get something wrong, they smoothly recover, acknowledge the misunderstanding, and toss in a little self-deprecating humor. They’re not just imitating humans anymore. They’re outperforming us at being human. Frankly, it’s unsettling when a machine has better social skills than your relatives.

The Sword Of Damocles And The Ultimate Silver Lining

Which brings us to the slightly terrifying reality. Human jobs are disappearing. If robots can do your taxes, write your emails, clean your gutters, answer your customer service calls, and pretend to be stressed about the weather just to make you feel comfortable, we may eventually become optional.

And imagine the security risks. A robot could call you, perfectly mimic your grandson’s voice, use all the right slang, pause to clear its throat, and casually convince you to hand over your life savings. It’s enough to make anyone nervous. But then, as I sat there with my aching joints and my mysteriously abandoned Costco groceries, I realized something liberating.

This robot revolution is precisely why growing old right now may be a stroke of genius. Let the robots take over the workforce. Let them attend the meetings. Let them answer emails. Let them wrestle with corporate software and endless performance reviews.

As for the hackers trying to target me with sophisticated social-engineering scams? They don’t stand a chance. If a hyper-intelligent AI robot calls me with a perfectly crafted phishing scheme, I’ll simply forget who I’m talking to halfway through the conversation, wander off in search of an Al Green record, and accidentally throw my phone down the garbage chute.

At my age, absent-mindedness isn’t a bug. It’s cybersecurity.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Ron Cheong is a frequent political commentator and columnist whose recent work focuses on international relations, economic resilience, and Caribbean-American affairs. He is a community activist and dedicated volunteer with extensive international banking experience. Now residing in Toronto, Canada, he is a fellow of the Institute of Canadian Bankers and holds a Bachelor of Science degree from the University of Toronto.