By Arthur Piccolo
News Americas, NEW YORK, NY, Fri. May 9, 2014: Some lyrics please …
And in the master’s chambers,
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can’t kill the beast
Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
“Relax, ” said the night man,
“We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave! ”
These are lyrics from ‘Hotel California,’ by the Eagles a classic but it might have been written about the Washington Hilton last Saturday night’s so called ‘White House Correspondents Dinner’ in Washington, D.C.
It is biggest annual gathering of DC Elite and political elite from around the country, aka The Living Dead, that should be held in a roach motel but it would be too small for the 3,000 who pack themselves into this ballroom.
And needless to say, who are the “headlines?” The two biggest con artists in D.C. – the one and only Barack & Michelle Obama. Me, I watched it on CNN far away from Washington, D.C.. Thank God, in Brooklyn, New York, where real people live far from the D.C. Elite. The further the better!
So the elite gathered with Barack & Michelle on display for all to see but kept far away at the head table on stage. Even the Elite cannot casually go up to the King & Queen – not here in public – where they must be protected.
Still they really were there; 3,000 strong! The number is about right – the 1% who control decision making and make lots of money for themselves in Washington, D.C.
It didn’t matter what was on the menu – food that is – because there were plenty of private parties to go to before and especially after ,where the real good food is served aplenty out of sight of prying eyes as they stuff their faces.
The true purpose of the dinner itself is to see and be seen. To make sure everyone knows you are one of the Elite and for you to see they are Elite too. After all it’s not as though you get printed membership cards or everyone sports a special tattoo. So the face-to-face contact is useful, and even more, for more deal making.
The two most important purposes of this Big Dinner and others like it is to make sure the rest of us know our place, which is NOT among the Elite who rule over us. And then of course there are the jokes …
The very best part of the entire show. There are two Jokers on the evening’s program The Official Entertainer this year was Joel McHale. It is considered a distinct honor to be the comedian selected, and no doubt the little known McHale’s career will soar now. The other Jokester is needless to say the President of the United States and who could be better than Barack Obama, who is a Big Joke himself, telling jokes to the gathered Elite.
I say jokes but it is really slash & burn “humor.” You see the Elites love sitting there waiting to see who among them will be savaged, which is considered a great distinction among these Sickos. To sit there and take it and look like you are enjoying it, because as explained, you are important enough to be singled out for very special treatment.
Most in this audience will remain anonymous for the evening, if not most of the time in the Washington whirl of power & money.
So since you were not there I will give you a taste of the “humor” last Saturday evening. How do I know you were not there? You would not be reading Obama’s America if you were. It is definitely not for the Elite.
President Barack Obama first was more sedate in faux mocking himself and others to the delight this crowd. After all he is the President. So here he is …
“It is great to be back. What a year, huh? I usually start these dinners with a few self-deprecating jokes. After my stellar 2013, what could I possibly talk about? (Laughter.)”
“I admit it — last year was rough. Sheesh. (Laughter.) At one point, things got so bad, the 47 percent called Mitt Romney to apologize. (Laughter.)”
“Of course, we rolled out healthcare.gov. That could have gone better. (Laughter.) In 2008 my slogan was, “Yes We Can.” In 2013 my slogan was, “Control-Alt-Delete.” (Laughter.) On the plus side, they did turn the launch of healthcare.gov into one of the year’s biggest movies. (Laughter.)”
Later in his routine …
“Speaking of Rand Paul — (laughter) — Colorado legalized marijuana this year, an interesting social experiment. I do hope it doesn’t lead to a whole lot of paranoid people who think that the federal government is out to get them and listening to their phone calls. (Laughter.) That would be a problem. (Laughter.)”
An aside from me … Obama is well versed in marijuana.
Back to Obama on stage …
“A lot of us really are concerned about the way big money is influencing our politics. I remember when a Super PAC was just me buying Marlboro 100s instead of regulars. (Laughter.)”
“Of course, now that it’s 2014, Washington is obsessed on the midterms. Folks are saying that with my sagging poll numbers, my fellow Democrats don’t really want me campaigning with them. And I don’t think that’s true — although I did notice the other day that Sasha needed a speaker at career day, and she invited Bill Clinton. (Laughter.) I was a little hurt by that. “
Yes pretty tame stuff and boring.
The real meat got delivered by John McHale. Here we go …
“All right, how about the president’s performance tonight, everyone? Sir, it’s amazing that you can still bring it with fresh, hilarious material. My favorite bit of yours was when you said you would close the detention facility at Guantanamo Bay. That was a classic. That was hilarious, hilarious. Still going.” ( laughter )
“It is a genuine thrill to be here in Washington, D.C., the city that started the whole crack-smoking mayor craze. You guys were the first. I hope he’s not here tonight. People say that Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is a clumsy mess. But he can’t help it, he’s a big guy, he’s like a bull in a crack pipe shop. Between Rob Ford, Justin Bieber and Ted Cruz, you just want to tell Canada, “Hey, hey, relax – we already have a Florida.”
“The vice president isn’t here tonight, not for security reasons, he just thought this event was being held at the Dulles Airport Applebee’s. Yes, right now Joe is elbow-deep in jalapeno poppers and talking to a construction cone that he thinks is John Boehner. Also true. It’s crazy to think that Joe Biden is only one heartbeat away from no one taking him seriously as president. Sorry for that one.”
“Hillary Clinton has a lot going for her as a candidate: She has experience, she’s a natural leader. As our first female president, we could pay her 30 percent less. That is a savings this country could use. Who’s with me? Hillary’s daughter Chelsea is pregnant, which means in nine months we will officially have a sequel to “Bad Grandpa.” It also raises the question, when the baby is born, do you give Bill Clinton a cigar? You guys sound like you’re on a roller coaster right now.”
“Mr. President, your harshest critics have compared you to Joseph Stalin, Adolf Hitler, and even Satan. And I just have to say those comparisons are outrageous. You look way older than those guys. Just because — look, Morgan Freeman has played a president a few times? That’s doesn’t mean you have to look exactly like him, all right? But you are healthy, which is great. Every year, the White House doctor checks the president’s colon for polyps and George Clooney’ s head. Yeah.”
There was plenty more. But that is enough. Aren’t you glad you were not there and had to sit through this stuff, stuffed into that over flowing ballroom with the other Elite? Except for the fact, if you were there and one of the Elite, you would be powerful and wealthy, and lording over the rest of us
Maybe next year. There are occasionally openings among the Elite. A few go to jail, the very sloppy ones, some get very old and a few even can’t take it anymore, make excuses and stay away from the Big Dinner.
You can get on the Waiting List. Even if your chances are very slim. If you do make it and get an invite, what you know for sure is that …
President Obama and Michelle will be there. They wouldn’t miss it for the world which they sort of own until 2017. They will be there because …
they are the King & Queen of the DC Elite!
Now let’s put the music back on …
And in the master’s chambers
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives
But they just can’t kill the beast.